To start talking about a problem is to acknowledge its existence and accept it. I don’t know if my case is a problem, but it seems that yesterday I accepted it. Before that, I was sure that this wasn't so. I lived in silence with this, and hoped that soon it would pass. But alcohol made me too talkative and gullible. And yesterday in this world there was another person who knows. And who swear to be silent. 
I must admit that I wasn't completely frank with you, because I spoke in the past tense. But it didn't pass. It was then, it is right now and it will be with me for a long time. Yes, for a very long time. After all, now I think about it much more often. I worry much more. After all, now I finally accepted it. 

I don’t know if there is anything good in it. Because it is scary, sad, unbearably painful. Hope is getting weaker with each new day. I also become weaker with it . 

But I'm still glad that I was able to talk about it with you. With you, and no one else. I feel it was right. May be you can help me.