When I woke up that morning with a clear understanding of what I should do, I took it as a sign. Never before in my life had such a clear answer to my tormented question come to my mind. But as soon as the solution appeared, the opportunity to implement it disappeared. And now I will be tormented for a few more long weeks.

So if the first phenomenon was a sign, can this situation be considered another sign? Maybe I just need more time. Because every day I come up with new ways to let you know what I feel. And, honestly, I like each new way more than the previous one. Does it mean that by the time of our meeting I will find the perfect way? Will I become even braver? Will I think it over again to eliminate any doubt?

But won't you forget about me?

Last night I couldn't fall asleep again. You won’t believe it, but I decided to write a monologue. Of course, I won't read it from the sheet. But I wanted to put my thoughts in order. Now I know exactly what I want to say. Now I know exactly what you have to hear.

So, I wrote as many as three. And on their basis a fourth, final version appeared. When I read it, I felt calm. When I read it out loud, I felt so excited as if you were sitting right in front of me. But you weren't there, and I still couldn't say the most important thing. Of course, I said that later. And more than once. I even said this to my reflection in the mirror, looking him in the eyes and imagining yours in their place (fortunately we are both blue-eyed). But still it wasn't easy. Therefore, I accept what is happening now. Maybe this is the time that I need so much. I try to convince myself.

But the cruelest thing is that when I fell asleep, I dreamed of our conversation. You already knew what I would say, even though you weren’t ready for it. You weren't absolutely happy, but you weren't upset either. You were interested. You were ready to try. And although this wasn't the reaction that I dreamed about, I was still happy. Because I finally felt free. I was able to tell you everything.

But then I woke up, and I swear it was the most cruel joke of my subconscious.

Well, I still have many days and weeks ahead of me for worries, insecurity, anxiety and fear. But I believe in a happy end. And I hope with all my heart that your answer will make me much happier than I was in that dream.